Emotional Agility

It was a warm, sunny early summer morning, and I was tending to the garden in my backyard. I had found an area that I had ignored for quite some time and had decided to tackle the cleanup. It involved moving some garden fencing that I used to keep my dogs away from newly planted shrubs and removing a large 7-gallon bucket of dirt. If you are familiar with the soil content in South Central Texas, then you already know our soil has a high amount of clay. It is tough, compacted, and heavy. Despite this, I thought that if I followed the age old advice of "lift with your knees, not with your back," I would be fine. Lo and behold, to my surprise, when I lifted this giant bucket of dirt, I heard two cracks, one directly after the other, coming from my knees. I did not think much of it at the time and continued walking, but I felt it very quickly as I realized that my knees probably should not feel the shooting pain that I was experiencing. In the days that followed, I realized that I had injured both of my knees. It was challenging to walk up the stairs in my home. I could not bend my knees without intense pain and a concerning cracking sound. Not being able to move with nimbleness, and or being able to adapt quickly, greatly limited where I could go and what I could do during my recovery. General movement became very difficult, and I realized just how much I had taken for granted the movement of my knees prior to the accident, as well as how much of my day and opportunities were dependent upon my physical agility. Through targeted exercise and time, I am slowly regaining full use of my knees.

Emotional agility, like physical agility, requires practice and patience. In the first chapter of her book, "Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life",   Dr. Susan David, Phd, describes an emotionally agile person as dynamic, stating," They demonstrate flexibility in dealing with our fast-changing, complex world. They are able to tolerate high levels of stress, and to endure setbacks, while maintaining engaged, open, and receptive (p. 6)". She reminds the reader that, though these individuals still experience, a range of human emotions, such as sadness and anger, the difference in their response is that they approach  these emotions "curiosity, self-compassion,  and acceptance"

Although my knees were not broken, the injury would take time to heal. I was not going to leap out of bed the next day, run down the steps, and skip into my garden as if I were not in immense pain. I would need to heal and rebuild my strength step by step. Building your emotional agility, like healing, requires intentionality and, likewise, starts with a few strategic steps. David describes these key steps to becoming emotionally agile as showing up, stepping out, walking your why, and moving on. She describes them as follows:

1.             Showing up

Showing up requires one to lean into rather than away from their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. However, approaching them with curiosity and kindness, so you can work with them and move forward.

This approach adopts a more expansive mindset, allowing for opportunities to learn from emotions rather than using energy to suppress them.

2.             Stepping out

When one becomes fused to a negative thought, such as "I am a bad person", it becomes difficult to separate oneself from it, resulting in maladaptive thinking and feelings of shame. 

David calls on readers to de-pathologize and detach from their emotions, taking a step back to observe them objectively rather than pulling deep meaning from every thought or feeling.

3.             Walking your why

The third step is a favorite of mine as it focuses on defining one's core values to help them establish goals.

David's book leans into third-wave, cognitive behavioral therapy, particularly ACT, due to its emphasis on client values along with mindfulness, and cognitive diffusion, or "stepping out" as it is called in step 2. Values are personal guidelines for navigating life that help people make decisions that move their lives in the direction they choose. 

4.             Moving on

The last step David imparts to her readers is to make small, manageable, value-infused goals so as not to overwhelm themselves and increase the probability of enacting change.

Working change into your existing lifestyle, rather than altering your entire lifestyle, makes it easier to accommodate and sustain the change in the long term.

Whether you are healing from physical pain or emotional setbacks, Emotional Agility shines a light on the hidden cost of emotional rigidity and the power of accepting our emotions rather than avoiding them, making this book a great starting point for anyone interested in learning how to navigate their life from a less reactive and more values-driven place. As for my knee, I am slowly but surely on my way to recovery. One intentional step at a time.

- Kimberly

Reference:

David, S. (2016). Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life. New York: Avery.